Best Adult Non Veg Jokes for Whatsapp Messenger as SMS Messages

Aunty Ne Sex Ke Baad Pappu Se Puchha: Tune Condom Kyun Nahin Lagaya???
Pappu: Aunty, Packet Pe Likha Tha - Do Not Use If The Seal is Already Broken!!!


Most Embarrassing Situation:
Banta was Sitting in a Car With His Wife. At the signal, a Callgirl comes to the wife's window and says: Paise Pehle Lle Llena... Chodne Ke Baad Ye Chutiya Discount Maangta Hai!!


Shadi Ke Kuch Time Baad Ek Raat Sex Karte Time Jeeto Bade Se Pyar Se Boli: Aap Bilkul Mobile Jaise Ho.
Santa, Bade Garv Se: Sachi, Tumhe Meri Vibration Achhi Lagti Hai?
Jeeto: Nahi, Basement Mein Jaate Hi Aapka Network Fail Ho Jata Hai...


Pappu: Dad What is 69 ?
Santa: Hmmm... Well son, it is a position where a man and a woman pleasure each other orally at the same time.
Pappu: So, What shall I write ? Odd or Even ?


Shaadi Ki Raat Pappu Ko Samajh Nahin Aa Raha Tha Ki Baat Kaise Start Kare.
Aadha Ghanta Beet Gaya, Kamre Mein Sannata... Thoda Khaansne Ke Baad Pappu Bola: Aapke Gharwalon Ko Pata Hai Ki Aap Aaj Raat Yahin Rukeingi???


Kal Santa Marathon Dekhne Gaya. Wahan Pados Waali Ek Bhabhi Tight Si T-Shirt Mein Khadi Thi.
Usne Santa Ko Dekh Ke Puch Liya: MeraThan Dekh Rahe Ho???
Santa HAdbadate Hue Bola: Haan Ji...
Ab Yaaron Santa Ki Samajh Mein Ye Nahin Aa Raha Ki Us Bhabhi Ne Santa Ki Kamini Nazron Ko Bhaanp Liya Tha Ya Uske Pronunciation Mein Gadbad Thi...


Ek Baar Santa Bada Udaas Sa Baitha Tha.
Banta Puchta Hai: Kya Hua Yaar Santa, Itna Udaas Kyun Baitha Hai ?
Santa: Oye Kya Bataun Yaar, Meri Biwi Ko Toh Bas Bahana Chahiye Ladne Ke Liye...
Banta: Oye Batayega Bhi Ki Hua Kya?
Santa: Kal Bada Ho Raha Mood Tha Sex Ka. Isliye Maine Bade Pyaar Se, Dheere Dheere Uske Kapde Utare. Phir Achanak Jab Meri Nazar Uski Bra Aur Panty Pe Padi Toh Maine Sirf Yehi Pucha Ki 'Arre Tuney Apni behen Ki Bra Aur Panty Kyun Pehni Hai?' Lo Ji, Phir Kya Tha... Bhukamp Aa Gaya!


Santa Apne Apni Suhaagraat Mein Patni ki Boobs Suck Karte Hua Bola: Tumhaare Boobs Kitne Naram, Garam Aur Sharbati Hain... Patni, Sharmaate Hue: Patan Nahin Ji, Jitne Munh, Utni Baatein.


Ek Ladki Ke T-Shirt Pe Likha Tha: Amul - The Taste Of India.
Use Dekh Kar Santa Bahut Khush Hua, Aur Apni Pant Pe Likhva Liya: Kurkure - Tedha Hai Par Mera Hai.


Sunny Leone Jaisa Sachcha Aur Achcha Pyar Koi Kar Hi Nahin Sakta. 50 Cameras Ki Nazar Us Pe Hoti Hai, Saara Movie Crew Bhi Hota Hai Sets Pe Lekin Uska Pura Dhyan Apne Partner Pe Hota Hai, Khul Kar Aur Tassalli Se Pyar Karti Hai.
Aur Ek Hamare Yahan Ki Ladkiyan... Akele Mein, Band Kamre Mein, Yahan Tak Ki Andhere Mein Bhi Jhik Jhik Karti Rehti Hain!!!


Height of Disappointment:
Husband enters in a Medical Store to buy condoms on weekend and receives SMS from Wife: Ghar Aate Huye Whisper Le Aana...!!!


Ek Ladki Ne Blue Film Bilkul End Tak Dekhi... Kyunki Usko Laga Ki Ladka End Mein Us Ladki Se Shaadi Kar Lega!!!


Husband: Ye Kya Cooking Show Dekhti Rehti Hai, Koi Phayda Hai Iska? Khana Banana Toh Aata Nahi Tumhe??
Wife: Tum Bhi to Blue Film Dekhte Rehte Ho, Maine Kabhi Kuch Kaha?


Yaar, Badi Khushi Hoti Hai Jab Meri Premika Kehti Hai Ki Jaanu, Ye Toh Bahut Bada Hai...
But Tension Bhi Hoti Hai Ki Bhenchod Isne Chota Kiska Dekha Hoga!!!


Jab Maggi Ban Hui Thi Toh Ladkiyon Ka Bada Mazaak Udaya Tha Ladkon Ne Ki Ab Kya Cook Karogi ?
Lo Saalon, Lag Gayi Baddua, Ho Gaya Porn Ban!!!!


Jat Tak Patanjali Ka Shudh Desi Porn DVD Bazaar Mein Nahin Aa Jaata Tab Tak Logon Se Aagrah Hai Ki Vo Dhairya Aur Veerya Dono Rakhein!


Basically Government is against anything which gives you pleasure in 2 minutes.


Pehle Maggie Ban Ho Gayi, Aur Ab Porn!!! Hey Bhagwaan, Ye Akele Rahne Wale Ladkon Ki Kaisi Pariksha Le Raha Hai Tu?


Ab Yeh Afwah Kaun Faila Raha Hai Ki Ayurvedic Maggie Ke Baad Baba Ramdev Ayurvedic Porn Bhi Banayenge.... Hadd Hai Yaar!


Pornban results to sudden increase in the sales of external storage devices.


Interviewer: What is your name?
Girl: Ima
Interviewer: But online application says 'Pornima'
Girl: Sir, I applied on 31st July Before the #Pornban.


Ek Ladke Ne Apni Girlfriend Se Ek Gift Manga.
irlfriend Ne Usko Jhaant Ke 3-4 Baal Ukhad Ke De Diye.
Ladka Wo Baal Le Kar Sunaar Ke Paas Gaya Aur Kaha: Ye Chaandi Ke Box Mein Saja Ke Do.
Sunaar Ne Do Din Ka Time Diya.
Do Din Baad Jab Ladka Baal Lene Aaya To Sunaar Ne Puchha: Ye Kisi Bade Sadhu-Sant-Baba Ke Baal Hai?
Ladka: Ye Kisi Baba Ya Sant Ke Nahi, Meri Girlfriend Ke Jhaant Ke Baal Hai.
Sunaar Ye Sunte Hi Gusse Se Paagal Hoke Bola: Bhosdi Ke, Behenchod..., Pehle Kyun Nahi Bataya, Hum Sab Ghar Walon Ne 3-3 Baar Dho Ke Piye Hai.


During sex, Santa suddenly stops and remains motionless.
He then starts again and after some time stops to remain motionless once again.
This goes on for quite some time.
His wife: What the hell are you doing???
Santa: I have seen this new technique on an internet porn site... It's called 'Buffering'.


Ek Bihari Honeymoon Pe Ja Raha Tha, Train Khali Thi, Samne 1 Angrez Aa Ke Baith Gaya.
Angrej Ko Dekh Ke Us Bihari Ke Khurapaati Dimaag Mein 1 Khyaal Aaya... Vo Sochne Laga Ki Agar Ye Angrej Meri Biwi Ki Le Le Toh Jo Bachcha Hoga Vo Saare Gaon Mein Sabse Gora Hoga... Aur Apna Naam Ho Jayega.
Usne Angrez Ko Kisi Tarah Se Apni Nayi Naweli Dulhan Ke Saath Sex Karne Ke Liye Raazi Kar Liya. Bihari Pehra Dene Laga.
Angrez Bhi Tharki Type Ka Tha... Usne Bihari Ki Biwi Ke Saath Jamkar Sex Kiya Aur Phir Jaaka Apni Seat Pe Baith Gaya.
Lekin Tabhi Bihari Ne Socha Ki Agar Ek Baar Mein Connection Na Hua Toh Izzat Bhi Gayi Aur Gora Bachha Bhi Nahi Hoga.
Yehi Sochkar Usne Angrez Ko Phir Se Sex Karne Ke Liye Kaha. Angrej Phir Se Maan Gaya.
Is Baar Bhi Angrej Ne Kaafi Der Tak Maje Kiye, Aur Phir Apne Seat Pe Baith Gaya.
But Is Baar Bhi Bechaare Bihari Ko Wahi Tension Khaye Jaa Rahi Thi, Isliye VO Phir Se Angrej Ke Paas Gaya Aur 3rd Time Karne Ke Liye Kehta Hai.
Angrez: Sorry Dude! I had only 2 Condoms. Now It's Your Turn. BTW, She is Very Hot...Enjoy!!!
Bihari Behosh.....


Ek Party Mein Ek Aadmi Ek Ladki Se Thodi Si Jaan Pehchaan Badhata Hai Aur Usko Akele Room Mein Le Jaata Hai.
Aadmi: Suno... Main Tumhare Saath Koi Zabardasti Nahin Karunga, Lekin Agar Tum Apna Ye Top Utaar Do Toh Main Tumhein 2000 Rs De Sakta Hoon.
Ladki Ne 2000 Lekar Apna Top Utaar Diya.
Aadmi : Waah? Ab Tum Apni Ye Bra Bhi Utaar Do Toh Main Tumhein 2000 Rs Aur De Sakta Hoon.
Ladki Ne 2000 Lekar Bra Bhi Utaar Di.
Aadmi: Wah... Great... Ab Agar Tum Apni Ye Skirt-Panty Bhi Utaar Do Toh Main Tumhein 5000 Rs Aur De Sakta Hoon.
Ladki Ne 5000 Rs Lekar Wo Bhi Kar diya.
Aadmi: Nice... Bahut Achche... Waise Toh Main Kaafi Shareef Aadmi Hoon... Magar Ab Mera Khada Ho Gaya Hhai. Ek Baar Sex Karne Ke Kitne Paise Logi ?
Ladki : Wohi... Jo Sabse Leti Hoon. 300 Rs.


Ek Baar Ek Baadshah Akbar Ke Dimag Mein Na Jane Kya Aaya Unhone Darbaar Mein Bethe Bethe Sab Logo Se Ek Sawaal Kiya.
Akbar: Hamari Moochon Ke Baal Kitne Hai?
Sabhi Soch Mein Pad, Kisi Ko Jawab Nahi Aaya Tabhi Birbal Bola: Maharaj, Chaar Hazaar Saat Sau Chalis (4740).
Akbar: Aur Agar Is Se Kam Ya Jyada Hue Toh? Birbal: Jyada Hue To Rani Ji Ke Jhaanton Ke Baal Aapki Moochon Mein Phase Hoge Aur Kam Hue Toh Aapke Moochon Ke Baal Rani Ji Ke Jhanton Mein Phase Honge.


The best example of 'Doosro ki khushi me apni khushi dhoondhna.'
Watching Porn.


What do you call a situation when two people are thinking of sex and rest of the people are thinking about food?
Wedding!!!


The 'Smoking Kills' warning on cigarette packs is like girls saying, 'Rehne Do, Koi Dekh Lega' - nothing more than a ritual!


A bad football team is like an old bra... no cups and little support!


A woman without curves is like a Jeans without pockets;
You don't know where to put your hands! 


Behind a perfect cleavage, there is a woman who spent 1 hour pulling, squeezing and adjusting.
Always respect her by staring at it!


Obscene caller: Hi baby, if you can guess what's in my hand I will let you have it.
Lady: Listen, if you can hide it in one hand then I am not interested!


World's most romantic line ever said by a girl to her boyfriend:
Achha Baba... Kar Lo!


What is 'Masturbation'.
That 'shot in the air' to check if the 'gun' is working....... !


Two women were talking to each other..
"Kal mera first time tha.."
Oh really. kya hua..?"
Beginning me dheere dheere andar liya aur dheere se bahar nikaala..
Dheere se kyu..?
Unhone bataya tha pehle dheere dheere karna hai..
Ok fir..? Pehle 10 minute tak aise hi kiya. Badi mushkil hui control karne me.. Uske baad..?
Fir thoda tezi se liya..
fir aur tez..
fir aur tez..
Hmmmmmm fir..?
Fir jhatke se andar leti gai aur jhatke se bahar nikalti gai..
Oh my God..
Saare room me Aawaaz goonjne lagi..
Kafi der tak kiya..
tezi se lete aur bahar nikaalte hue dard shuru ho gaya tha..
Aage bata..
Bas yaar Ramdev Baba ne kaha aise hi "PRANAYAAM" me Breathing control karo..
Anand Aayega...
Happy International Yoga day!


Girl: Kya Tum Mujhe Apni Family Se Zyada Chahte Ho???
Boy: No.
Girl: Kyun...?
Boy: Jab Main Paida Hua Toh Meri Maa Ne Musibat Jheli.
Jab Bada Hone Laga Toh Baap Ne Ungli Pakad Kar Chalna Sikhaya.
Jab Taklif Hui Toh Behan Royi.
Jab Zarurat Padi Toh Bhai Ne Saath Diya.
Girl: Achha Gandu... Jab Lund Khada Hua Toh Kaun Kaam Aaya...???
Boy: Mera Dost, Jo Ye Joke Pad Raha Hai. Jisne Mujhe Hilaana Sikhaya....

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