Kabali Day - Rajanikanth Day Special



Kabali spl...All new series on Rajnikanth:
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Rajnikanth was shot today... Tomorrow is the bullet`s funeral!
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Rajnikanth killed a terrorist in Pakistan 'via Bluetooth'!
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Rajnikanth can draw a straight line with a compass
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Rajnikanth`s pulse is measured in Richter scale!
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The new Rupee symbol is actually Rajnikanth`s signature!!!
--------------------------------
Rajnikanth has a statue of Madame Tussauds at his house!!
--------------------------------
Rajnikanth is the secret of Boost`s
energy;
and Complan is a Rajnikanth boy!
-------------------------------
Rajnikanth participated in 100m race, obviously he came first, but
Einstein died watching that, since Light came second!!
--------------------------------
Intel's new ad: "Rajnikanth Inside"
-------------------------
When Alexander Graham Bell first used his telephone, he realized that he already had two missed calls from Rajinikanth.
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Why does needle of magnetic compass always point towards North??? . . Because, RAJINIKANTH lives in the South and no one has guts to point at him!!!
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The apple which fell on Newton was actually thrown by Rajinikanth!
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An email was sent from Pune to Mumbai, Rajinikanth stopped it in Lonawala!
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Rajinikanth can whistle in 5 different languages!
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Only Rajinikanth knows why Mona Lisa is smiling.
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Rajinikanth is the person in the world who can make his girlfriend admit her mistake!
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Rajinikanth went to the world cooking championship...of course Rajini won. But
guess what did he make in final??? Lal mirchi ki meethi kheer
----------------------------------
Hey guys,
A friend of mine bought the tickets for the first show of Kabali @ PVR on 22nd Jul forgetting that he is getting married on the same day.
He bought it much before the engagement so,now he wants to know if someone is interested in getting married 😉😉😉
----------------------------------
RAJANIKANT SPECIAL. sorry for the overload, but no one dare say  NO to RAJANIKANT
----------------------------------
This 1 is Baap
🎾🎾Wimbledon special🎾🎾

Roger Federer: I know everything about tennis. Ask me anything and I will answer

Rajnikanth: Kanna.. How many holes are there in the net?

12 best of KABALI



1. Kabali is the 1st Indian
    movie to release across
    30 nations at a time.

2. Kabali is widest release
    across Asian countries.

3. Kabali is going to release
    across 4500 screens in
    China same as PK
    400 screens across US
    300 screens each across
    Malaysia Indonesia and
    Japan ( highest ever for
    any Indian movie so far).

4. Kabali is the only South
    Indian movie to release
    in over 1000 screens in
    North India.

5. Kabali is releasing across
    double the screens than
    any other Bollywood
    star's film worldwide.

6. Kabali trailer crossed 25
    Million in a week as it is
    released highest ever for
    any Indian movie.

7. Kabali is the 1st Indian
    movie  poster displayed
    in flights buses in India.

8. Kabali is all set to be the
    first movie in the world to
    declare a leave in a state
    ( already by few MNC's
       and small companies).

9. Kabali is releasing in
   12000 screens worldwide
    at a time across 30 nation
    Highest ever*

10. Kabali is the only movie
      to  have a pre booked
      all tickets for all shows
      in USA.

11. Record Booking ever
      with 6500 screens
      already booked FDFS
      3500 screens for FD
      2000 screens entire
      weekend for all the
      shows worldwide.

12. Kabali is the 1st Indian
      movie to release  in
      World's biggest theatre
      Le grand Rex in France
      with 2500 seats.
   
      Kabali has set all
      time record in every
      sector of Indian
      cinema.

30 प्रेरणादायिक सुविचार जो जिंदगी बदल दे

30 प्रेरणादायिक सुविचार जो जिंदगी बदल दे.

Quote 1 . जब लोग आपको        Copy करने लगें तो समझ लेना जिंदगी में Success हो रहे हों.

Quoted 2 . कमाओ…कमाते रहो और तब तक कमाओ, जब तक महंगी चीज सस्ती न लगने लगे.

Quote 3 . जिस व्यक्ति का लालच खत्म, उसकी तरक्की भी खत्म.

Quote 4 . यदि “Plan A” काम नही कर रहा, तो कोई बात नही 25 और Letters बचे हैं उन पर Try करों.

Quote 5 . जिस व्यक्ति ने कभी गलती नहीं कि उसने कभी कुछ नया करने की कोशिश नहीं की.

Quote 6 . भीड़ हौंसला तो देती हैं लेकिन पहचान छिन लेती हैं.

Quote 7 . अगर किसी चीज़ को दिल से चाहो तो पूरी कायनात उसे तुमसे मिलाने में लग जाती हैं.

Quote 8 . कोई भी महान व्यक्ति अवसरों की कमी के बारे में शिकायत नहीं करता.

Quote 9 . महानता कभी ना गिरने में नहीं है, बल्कि हर बार गिरकर उठ जाने में है.

Quote 10 . जिस चीज में आपका Interest हैं उसे करने का कोई टाईम फिक्स नही होता. चाहे रात के 1 ही क्यों न बजे हो.

Quote 11 . अगर आप चाहते हैं कि, कोई चीज अच्छे से हो तो उसे खुद कीजिये.

Quote 12 . सिर्फ खड़े होकर पानी देखने से आप नदी नहीं पार कर सकते.

Quote 13 . जीतने वाले अलग चीजें नहीं करते, वो चीजों को अलग तरह से करते हैं.

Quote 14 . जितना कठिन संघर्ष होगा जीत उतनी ही शानदार होगी.

Quote 15 . यदि लोग आपके लक्ष्य पर हंस नहीं रहे हैं तो समझो *आपका लक्ष्य बहुत छोटा हैं.

Quote 16 . विफलता के बारे में चिंता मत करो, आपको बस एक बार ही सही होना हैं.

Quote 17 . सबकुछ कुछ नहीं से शुरू हुआ था.

Quote 18 . हुनर तो सब में होता हैं फर्क बस इतना होता हैं किसी का छिप जाता हैं तो किसी का छप जाता हैं.

Quote 19 . दूसरों को सुनाने के लिऐ अपनी आवाज ऊँची मत करिऐ, बल्कि अपना व्यक्तित्व इतना ऊँचा बनाऐं कि आपको सुनने की लोग मिन्नत करें.

Quote 20 . अच्छे काम करते रहिये चाहे लोग तारीफ करें या न करें आधी से ज्यादा दुनिया सोती रहती है ‘सूरज’ फिर भी उगता हैं.

Quote 21 . पहचान से मिला काम थोडे बहुत समय के लिए रहता हैं लेकिन काम से मिली पहचान उम्रभर रहती हैं.

Quote 22 . जिंदगी अगर अपने हिसाब से जीनी हैं तो कभी किसी के फैन मत बनो.

Quote 23 . जब गलती अपनी हो तो हमसे बडा कोई वकील नही जब गलती दूसरो की हो तो हमसे बडा कोई जज नही.

Quote 24 . आपका खुश रहना ही आपका बुरा चाहने वालो के लिए सबसे बडी सजा हैं.

Quote 25 . कोशिश करना न छोड़े, गुच्छे की आखिरी चाबी भी ताला खोल सकती हैं.

Quote 26 . इंतजार करना बंद करो, क्योकिं सही समय कभी नही आता.

Quote 27 . जिस दिन आपके Sign #Autograph में बदल जाएंगे, उस दिन आप बड़े आदमी बन जाओगें.

Quote 28 . काम इतनी शांति से करो कि सफलता शोर मचा दे.

Quote 29 . तब तक पैसे कमाओ जब तक तुम्हारा बैंक बैलेंस तुम्हारे फोन नंबर की तरह न दिखने लगें.

Quote 30 . अगर एक हारा हुआ इंसान हारने के बाद भी मुस्करा दे तो जीतने वाला भी जीत की खुशी खो देता हैं. ये हैं मुस्कान की  ताकत.

आपका हर पल मंगलमय हो।

Fresh and New Husband Wife jokes



Husband wife both die in a Car crash.
Husband becomes Bhoot. Wife becomes Dayan.
They both meet after some time.

Wife: Kitne changed lag rahe ho Bhoot bankar.

Husband: Pagli, tu bilkul nahi badli.

****

An ultimate one

👤 A husband in a
book store : ”Do You have a book called, ‘Husband--the BOSS of the House’..?”

Sales Girl: “Sir, Comics are on the 1st floor...

****

एक आदमी की तबियत खराब होने पर उसने डॉक्टर को दिखाया...
डॉक्टर ने कहा - आप सिर्फ 12 घंटे के मेहमान हो... शायद सवेरा भी नहीं देख पाओगे...!!!???

आदमी नें यह बात बडे दुःख के साथ अपनी पत्नी को बतायी, और सोचा कि यह आखिरी रात अपनी पत्नी के साथ बड़े प्यार से बितायी जाये...!!!

दोनों बड़ी देर तक प्यार से बातें की ओर साथ में बिताए लम्हों को याद किया...

थोड़ी देर बाद पत्नि को सोते हुए देखकर पति ने पूछा: तुम सो रही हो...???
 .
पत्नि: क्या करूं, तुम्हें तो सुबह उठना नहीं है...
पर मुझे तो उठना पडेगा.


****


Hey guys,
A friend of mine bought the tickets for the first show of Kabali @ PVR on 22nd Jul forgetting that he is getting married on the same day.
He bought it much before the engagement so,now he wants to know if someone is interested in getting married 😉😉😉


****


While driving on the road..
Husband - "Why dont you use turn indicators...!!??"

Wife - "What do you mean use turn indicators...why should I?"

Husband- "So that other drivers know which way you will turn."

Wife- "Where I am going is nobody's business...!!!"😶


****


Husb - Aaj khana kyun nahi banaya ?

Wife - Gir gayi thi aur lag gayi.

Husb - Kidhar giri Aur kidhar lagi ?

Wife - Takiye pe giri thi aur aankh lag gayi...😵
😝😛😜

WIVES ALWAYS ROCK...


****


Husband : Kaisi ho Jaanu? Tum, mujhe miss kar rahi hogi toh socha call kar lu. 😘😘

Wife: Itna hi pyar aa raha tha to ladaai kyun ki subah subah?? 😏😏
..
..
..
..
Husband : 😐Silent..

thinking..🤔
thinking..🤔
thinking..🤔
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thinking..🤔

" Saala yeh to Ghar ka number lag gaya.. "


****


Absolute Classic!!!

👳 Astrologer: Do u want to know about your husband's future?
🙎 Wife: Rubbish, I will decide his future ! you just tell me his past. 😜


****


A married friend told me, he is working on
Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics under constraint environment....
I was impressed...
On further probing, I learnt that he is washing dishes with hot water ... Under his wife's supervision...!!😂😂


****


पति आधी रात को दारू पी कर आया ओर दरवाजा खटखटाया।

पत्नी:-"दरवाजा नहीं खोलूँगी, इतनी रात को जहाँ से आ रहे हो वहीं चले जाओ"

पति:-"दरवाजा खोलो नहीं तो नाले में कूदकर अपनी जान दे दूँगा "

पत्नी:-"मुझे कोई परवाह नहीं...तुम्हें जो करना है वो करो "

इसके बाद पति गेट के पास के अँधेरे हिस्से में जाकर खड़ा हो गया और 2 मिनिट इन्तजार किया फिर एक बड़ा सा पत्थर उठाया और नाले के पानी में फेंक दिया...
छपाक...

पत्नी ने सुना तो तुरंत दरवाजा खोला और नाले की ओर भागी,
अँधेरे में खड़े पति ने दरवाजे की ओर दौड़ लगाई और घर के अंदर जाकर दरवाजा बंद कर लिया।

पत्नी:-"दरवाजा खोलो,नहीं तो मैं चिल्ला चिल्ला कर सारे मौहल्ले को जगा दूँगी"

पति:-"खूब चिल्लाओ,जब तक सारे पड़ोसी जमा ना हो जाएँ, फिर मैं उनके सामने तुमसे पूछुंगा कि आधी रात को तुम night गाऊन मै कहाँ से आ रही हो?"


****


अच्छे खासे आदमी का निवाला गले में अटक जाता है , . जब पत्नी कहती है जल्दी से खाना खा लो मुझे तुम से जरुरी बात करनी है। - 😂 😂 😂 😂


****


🎈लुगाई ने अचानक धणी का गाल पे चांटो जड़ी दियो...
चटाक 💥👋
धणी बेचारो तिलमिलाई उठीयो😇 😖
🎈धणी - मारयो काई वास्ते ? 
🎈लुगाई - थांका, गाल पे मच्छर थो
और म्हारा जीते जी कोई और,
थांको खून पिये 
यो महारा से बिलकुल बर्दाश्त नी होयगो...


****


एक रिसर्च से पता चला है कि छुट्टी वाले दिन घर पर बैठा पति...
.
.
.
पत्नी को एक छोटी सास के जैसा लगता है! 😜😂😃


****


💃एक बार  एक  फौजी  की बीवी  मायके  जाने की  जिद  करती है , 

फौजी  कहता है कि  सुबह  8 बजे आफिस  में  आकर ' फौजी तरीके ' से बात करना! !

बीवी  8 bje सुबह  आफिस  में सावधान होकर  बोलती है 

जय हिन्द सर, सर मैं  1 माह के  लिए  मायके  जाने की  छुट्टी  लेने आई हूं आज्ञा दें ।

फौजी - ठीक है  पर तुमने  अपना charge  किसको दिया है

बीवी - रहने  दो  नहीं  जाना 🏃🏽

Highly erotic, non-veg, adult, sexy sms text and whatsapp messages jokes in hindi - english



Ek Badsoorat randi Choot Marwate Hue
Ek Badsoorat randi Choot Marwate Hue Apne Customer Se Puchti Hai...
"Mere Mein Sabse Khoosurat Cheez Kya Hai ?"
Customer: "Mera Lund………"

****

motka ki biwi
Ek Aadmi Ki Nayi Nahi Shadi Hui, November Ka Mahina Thha Aur Kadake Ki Sardi padd Rahi Thi.
Kamre Mein Aate Hi Vo Rajayi Mein Gussa Aur So Gaya.
Patni Ne Ye Dekha Aur Thodi Der Bad Usko Kohni Mar Ke Boli.
Patni: “Suno Ji, Meri Taango Ke Bich Mein Ek Mori (Hole) Bhi Hai”
Aadmi Gusse Se: “To Band Kar Us Mori Ko, Main Bhi Sochu Rajayi Mein Thandi Hawa Kaha Se Aa Rahi Hai“

****

Ladkiyo, Virginity Bachane Ka Sabse Acha Tarika
Suhagrat Par Patni Ke Sath Sex Karne Ke Bad, Pati Bada Khush Tha.
Patni Ke Mathe Ko Chhum Kar Bola.
Pati: “Janu Aaj Bada Maja Aya Aur Main Bahut Khush Hun.”
Patni: “Achha Ji, Kyu?”
Pati: “Tum To Virgin Nikli, Apni Choot Ko Aaj Tak Badi Hifazat Se Bacha Ke Rakha Hai Tumne”
Patni Sharmati Hui: “Aji, Dua Meri Gaand Ko Dijiye, Jiski Wajah Se Aaj Tak Meri Choot Bachi Rahi“

****

Mere Yar Ke Ane Ki Khushi Mein
Usta Chodumal Kkhan Sab Ka Ek Bada Hi Khas Dost Usa Se Aa Raha Tha.
Uske Ane Ki Khushi Par Chodumal Khan Ji Ne Ek Sher Arz Kiya.
Kamra Phulo Ki Khusbhu Se Mahka Rakha Hai,
Har Desh Ki Mast Si Randi Ko Bula Rakha Hai,
Na Jane Kiski Choot Pasand Aa Jaye Mere Yaar Ko,
Isliye Har Ladki Ki Kachhi Ko Utarva Rakha Hai.

****

Aaj To Bachhe Ne Doob Hi Jana Thha
Pathan Aur Uska 12 Saal Ka Beta Nehar Mein Naha Rahe Thhe.
Achanak Bete Ka Paanv Slip Hua Aur Vo Dubney Laga, Usne Fatafatt Baap Ki Lulli Ko Pakad Liya.
Pathan Gusse Se: “Bhonsdi Ke Tairna Sikh, Apni Maa Ke Sath Hota To Aaj Doob Hi Jaata.“

****

Ladki Ki Aatmkatha, Chudne Ki
Aaye Thhe Wo Itni Der Se Ki Mera Dil Jala Diya,
Pehle Kiwad Band Kiya Fir Deepak Ko Bujha Diya,
Pehle Khel Khelne Lage Mera Seena Tatolkar,
Fir Khel Khelne Lage Apna Underwear Kholkar,
Ek Jang Si Aisi Chid Gayi Mere Palang Par,
Gole Wali Top Rakh Di Usne Meri Surang Par
Yeh Tha Sirf 9 Minute Ka Mazaa,
Ab Bhog Rahi Hu 9 Mahine Ki Saza
9 Mahine Baad Ek Aisa Hoga Visfot,
Jo Ban Jayega Desh Ke Liye Ek Or Vote

****

Choot Bahut Mahan Hai, Baba Saxidas
Choot Bahut Hi Mahaan Hai, Iska Andaja Is Bat Se Lagya Ja Sakta Hai Ki Hum Isko Kayi Naamo Se Pukar Sakte Hai, Jaisi Pussy, Yoni, Fuddi, Bhonsdi Aur Khas Kar Teri Maa Ki …… Ke Bad Kuch Bhi Lagao Uska Arath Sirf Choot Se Hi Hota Hai.

****

Girlfriend Ki Double Meaning Shayari
Daalte Hi Jhad Gaye Sab, Tika Na Koi Bhi Phool Gale Mein Mere Haar Ke. Dard Unko Hua To Nikaal Liya Maine, Kanta Jo Chubha Pairon Main Sarkar Ke. Cheek Uthay, Chilla Uthay, Kehnay Lagay Meri Na Lo, Ek Hi To Kameez Hai Aur Din Bhi Hain Tyohaar Ka.

****

Hiimat Akhir Hai Kis Mein?
Ustad Chodumal Khan Ji Ne Apne Ek Friend Ki Tariff Mein Ek Sher Arz Kiya. Na To Himmat Aap Mein Hai, Aur Na Hi Aapki Haddi Mein, Na To Himmat Aap Mein Hai, Aur Na Hi Aapki Haddi Mein, Himmat To Usme Hai Jo Bina Haddi Ke Aapki Chaddi Mein.

****

gaand pe lekh
1. Gaand khujana :- Chintan karna
2. Gaand ghishna :- Parishram karna
3. Gaand Dikhana :- samasya se door bhagna
4. Gaand mein ungli karna :- Samasya Paida karna
5. Gaand mein balli karna:- Kaam ke liye kisi ko baar baar tokna
6. Gaand Jalna :- Irshya karna
7. Gaand Fatna :- Darr Jana
8. Gaand Marna :- Dushmani Nikalna
9. Gaand Marwana :- Gulami karna
10. Gaand mein Teetar ke Baal hona :- Bahut Active hona
11. Gaand pe Laat marna :- Reject karna
12. Gaand mein Ghushna:- Peeche par jana
13. Gaand Toadna :- Patak kar marna
14. Gaand Chodna :- Peeche se hamla karna
15. Gaand Chatna :- Chamchagiri Karna Aur
16. Gaand mein Keeda:- SMS chahe jitna Lamba ho Pura Padhana

****

Class Mein Teacher Ne Pappu Ko Bola
Teacher: “Active Se Passive Mein Badlo. Bache Jab Sunsan Jagah Pe Jate Hai To Haadso Ko Janam Dete Hai?”
Pappu: “Sunsan Jagho Pe Hue Haadse Hi Bacho Ko Janam Dete Hai“

****


Waqt nahi ab rone ka
Waqt hai baccha hone ka
tab kyoun nahi royin thi
jab chipak chipak key soi thi
jab kiya hai to bharo
tab kahti thi aur karo aur karo

****

Mirza Galib Ki Shayari Suhagrat Par
Shadi Hui To Sher Kaha,
Ghunghat Uthaya To Sher Kaha,
Kapde Utarein To Sher Kaha,
Phir Jab Tangein Uthaain To Bole.
“Le Aayi Phir Kahaan Par Kismat Humain Kahan Se, Ye To Wohi Jagah Hai Nikley They Hum Jahan Se“

****

Mast Kalpana Ek Shayar Ki

29 Ko Vo Naraz Thi,
30 Ko Yaaro Baarat Thi,
1 Ko Mast Suhagraat Thi
2 Ko Pyar Ki Barsaat Thi.
Aankh Khuli To Pata Chala Sapno Ki Kali Raat Thi.
Hath Mein Apna Lund Aur Chaddi Daagdar Thi.

****

Baap Re, Kya Gaali Hai

Pappu Ka Ab School Time Pura Ho Chuka Thha Aur Ab Uska College Mein Admission Ho Gaya Thha
Ab Jaisi Aap Logo Ko Pata Hai Ki College Mein Ragging Aam Baat Hai
Ese Hi Senior Students Ne Usko Bulaya Aur Kaha
Senior Students: “Chal Be, Koi Esi Gaali Deke Dikha, Jo Na Kabhi Kisi Ne Suni Ho Aur Na Hi Kisi Ne Kisiko Di Ho”
Pappu: “Hum Sab Juniors Ka Lund Ek Jhopde Me Aur Jhopda Ap Ki Maa Ke Bhoosde Me“

****

Piche Kya Lagati Hai Vo
Girl Hostel Me Ek Phone Aaya – “Meena Hai Kya?”
Warden Ne Pucha – “Piche Kya Lagati Hai Vo?”
Phone Wala – “Ab Tho Pata Nahi Ji Par Pehle Sarson Ka Tel Lagati Thi“

****

Woh Mangti Thi Mein Detaa Na Thha

Woh Mangti Thi Mein Detaa Na Thha,
Jawaab Uske Sawaal Ka..
Abhi Rakha Hi Thha Ke Chhut Gayaa,
Haath Se Mere Phool Gulaab Ka..
Woh Kehti Thi Peeche Se Nahi Aage Se Karo,
Deedar Mere Husn-e-Shabaab Ka..

Woh Kehti Thi Bada Dard Hota Hai Jab Under Jaata Hai,
Kaano Mein Ik Ik Lafz Janab Ka.

****

jab chah thi tab chah thi ab chah nahi ja kutte se chuda ab parwah nahi......

****

Boobs Are Smooth And Silky...
Boobs Are Smooth And Silky,
Never Dry Always Pure And Milky,
If You Try, It Gives Power To Your Tower.

****

Ek Totli Ladki Suit Rangwane Gayi...
Ek totli ladki suit rangwane ke liye gayi aur rang wale se boli:
"Chut me aisa lund dalna ki chut phat jaye magar lund na nikle"

****

Does the Penis have a bone?
Ek Din Class Mein Teacher Ne Bachho Se Pucha:

“Bachho Kya Penis Mein Haddi Hoti Hai?”

Ladkiya: “Yes Mam”

Ladke: “Madam Ji, Inko Kya Pata”

Inhone To Hamesha Khada Hi Dekha Hai“

****

What is the difference between a pussy and a cunt?
What is the difference between a pussy and a cunt?
Answer. A pussy is warm, wet and inviting. A cunt is the bitch who owns it.

****

2 Men Were Up Bcoz Their Wifes Were Learning Cars:
2 Men Were Up Bcoz Their Wifes Were Learning Cars:

1st: Mere Biwi Raat Ko Lund Pakar Kar Gear Badalti Hay
2nd: Mere Biwi Tang Utha Ke K Kahti Hay 5 Litre Dal Do



Latest Highly erotic, non-veg, adult, sexy sms text and whatsapp messages jokes in hindi - english



lollipop and a penis?
Que. What’s the difference between a lollipop and a penis?
Ans. If you lick a lollipop, it becomes smaller… but if you lick a penis it becomes bigger!
Posted 6th February 2011 by pragyan

****

bin laden
Que. Why doesn’t Osama Bin Laden have sex with his five wives?

Ans. Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush!

****

All boobs are to be taxed as per size:
All boobs are to be taxed as per size:

38-Burden tax
36-Wealth tax
35-Entertainment
34-Excitement
30-Development tax

****

Secret of long life…
Secret of long life…
Morning 2 eggs
Evening 2 pegs and
Night 2 legs

****

Zindagi pe blue film ka
Zindagi pe blue film ka saya hai Choot ka sukh kahan hamne paya hai, hum sust rahate hain kisiki yaad main, aur log sochate hain phir hala ke aya hai

****

MUTH marne ke 11 Faayde i.e. the benefits of Masturbation:
1. Self Reliance
2. Time Convenience
3. Prevention of Crime
4. Mental Choice of Lady
5. No Risks of AIDS
6. No Special place Requirement
7. No Wastage of Cash
8. Easy to Perform
9. No fear of early ejaculation
10. Guaranteed Satisfaction
11. No Risk of Being Caught

So moral is: Badnammi de Phuddi naalon izzat di Muth Changi hai
Posted 31st January 2011 by pragyan

****

Lund pe aitbaar
Lund pe aitbaar kisko hain…
Mil jaaye chodney ko to inkar kis ko hain…
Kuch mushkilein hain chut paane me dost
Warna muth marne se pyaar kisko hain…

****

Ek lady ghabrai hui
Ek lady ghabrai hui doctor ke pass jati hain:

Lady: Doctor sahab maine galti se i-Pill (emergency contraceptive tablet) ki goli khali

Doctor: Madam 72 ghante ke andar chud jao varna goli bekaar chali jayegi

****

Lipton Tea Bag
Ye Sookha Andar Jata Hai,
Aur Gila Bahar Ata Hai,
Phele Chota Hota Hai,
Phir Ye Mota Ho Jata Hai,
Jab Ye Andar Rahta Hai,
To Ye Red Kar Deta Hai,
Thoda Sa Hilane Ke Baad Jab Isko Bahar Nikalo,
To Apna Kam Dikha Kar Ye,
Bejaan Sa Dheela Sa Bahar Ata Hai,
Kuch Aur Nahin Hai Ye Yaaro,
"
"
"
Isko Lipton Tea Bag Kehtey Hai.

****

ek keel choot mein
Pahle to nahi ghusti thi ek keel choot mein.
choodte choodte ban gayi jheel choot mein.
pani peene aya jo ek bheel choot mein.
phisal gaya wo 2 mile choot mein.
government ne jab dekhi dheel choot mein.
usne laga di seal choot mein.

****

Pahle to nahi ghusti thi ek keel choot mein.
choodte choodte ban gayi jheel choot mein.
pani peene aya jo ek bheel choot mein.
phisal gaya wo 2 mile choot mein.
government ne jab dekhi dheel choot mein.
usne laga di seal choot mein.

****

mast wala
Ek baar ki baat hai,
ek manchala ek ladki ko chhedta hai.
Ladka kahta hai:-

Yuon matak matak ke na chalo karo,
koi namak samajh ke chakh lega.
Iss teen inch ke ched mein koi nou inch ka rakh dega.

Ladki jawab deti hai:-

O sun londe nadan,
tu mat kar itna guman.
yaha sab akad akad ke aate hai aur sikud sikud kar jate hai.

****

An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking. "Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?" "Yes, ma'am." "And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "How do you turn them off?"

****

Filmi names for Penis
1-3 Yrs. Angoor

4-6 Yrs. Masoom

7-12 Yrs. Parvarish

13-16 Yrs. Parivartan

17-22 Yrs. Pyaasa

23-35 Yrs. Shikari

36-50 Yrs. Masterji

51-60 Yrs. Kabhi-Kabhi

61-75 Yrs. Yaadein

****


Agar ye Government 5 Saal aur rahi toh
Agar ye Government 5 Saal aur rahi toh...
CHEENI choot se mehangi hogi.
DOODH sirf boobs mein hoga.
GAS sirf Gaand se niklegi,
PAANI sirf Lund se niklega!!

****

Dulhan: Aaa Dard ho rahaan hain Aaram se...

Dulha: Kuch nahi hoga bas tum 10 tak gino mein nikaal lunga,

Dulhan: 1, 2 aaa 3, 4, 5 ufff 6, 7, 8 hhmm 8, 8, wow, 8, 8, 7, 6, 5, 5…ab Puri Raat kartay raho, maza aa raha hai!!!!!!

****

Ek Bande Ki Suhagraat Thi,

Vo Bade Aaram Se Sex Kar RahaThha,
Par Uski Wife Jor Jor Se Cheekh Rahi Thhi,
Banda Hairan Hua Aur Usne
Puchha. Tum Itna Cheekh
Kyun Rahi Ho?
Wife:Bahar Tere Dost
Khade Hai, Chutiye Teri Izzat Rakh
Rahi Hoon

****

Sex kya hai;
Sex ek kala hai, Jo kare uska bhala
hai
Sex ek bhavna hai, jisko pura kurne
ki sabki kaamna hai
Sex do atmaon kaa milan hai, sadiyo
se jiska chalan hai
Sex maja hai, Jo na kare uska jeevan
ek saza hai
Sex bhakti hai, jisme subki mukti hai
Sex ek jaap hai, jisko na jupna
mahapaap hai
Sex amrut hai, poora jeevan jisse
trupt hai - Dirty Sex

****

Pehli Baar chudai Karane K Baad
Ladki LUND ko choom k Boli:
Aaj Mujhe Satya Ka Gyan Ho Gaya,
'COKE' 'PEPSI'
Sab Bakwas
"MARD Ki LASSI"
Hi Bujhaye Asli Pyaas.

****

Purani soch:-Karo ya Maro.
Nayi soch:-Marne se Phle kuch karo!
Ekdam Nai soch:- Jab tak kuch kar
nahi lete maro mat!
Hamari Soch:-Koi Bataega Sala
karna kya hai?

****

Kaviyatri ki suhag raat ke baad uski
saheli ne pucha-Kaisi rahi
suhagraat?
Woh boli-
"Aaye the wo der se,
Dil jala diya,
Pehle kiye Darwaza band,
Fir deepak bhuja diya.
Pehle dabane lage
boob tatolkar,
Fir khelne lage
chaddi khol kar.
Ek jung aisi chidi palang par,
Gole wali toph rakh di surang par,
Mila sirf 9 minute ka maja,
Ab bhogni hai 9 mahine ki saja,
9 mahine baad aisa hoga vispot,
Jo ban jayega Bharat ke liye
1 aur vote...

****

Paper Dene Or Sex Karne Ke Baad
Sari Girls Ki Feelings Same Hoti
Hai:Kitna Lamba Tha NaKash Thora
Time Or Mil JataTooba Pehle Kitna
Dar Lag Raha ThaPhir To Pata Hi
Nahi Chala Kab Ho GayaUff Teen
Ghante Tak To Meri Saans Hi Band
Ho Gayi ThiAagay Ka To Theek Tha
Peechay Ka Kitna Mushkil Tha Na.

****

MARD hone k 6 fayade:
1. 'Un Dino' ka tension nahi hota.
2. Koi Heavy saaman latakta nahi
rahta(.)(.)
3. Nange bhi ghumo to kisi ki
bhavnaye nahi jagti.
4. Virgnity ka koi proof nahi hota.
5. Khujane pe hath geela nahi hota.
6. And above all, jaha chahe waha
moot sakte h.
IF U R MEN.!
Jiyo L**D utha k...

Ustaad Ne Farmaya...



Hamare ustaad ji ne farmaya ke Beta:

Machhi aur Bachhi khud pakar ke khao to mazaa hain.

Lund aur Qanoon kabhi haath main na lo.

Naukri aur tatton pe kabhi laat naa maro.

Larki jitni marzi lambi ho lund late kar hi leti hain.

Lohe par hathorra aur choot par lora tab maro jab woh garam ho.

Kismat ki karni choot ki garmi or lund ki besharmi nahin rukti.

Aur ehtyat se sex karo kyun ke Bandook se nikli faulad aur pait se nikli aulad kabbi waapis nahin jaati


Ladki Ke Inkaar Par Ghazal



You Hum Ko Satane Ki Zarorat Kya thi...
Gaand Meri Jalane Ki Zaroorat Kya thi...

Jo Nahi tha Ishq To Keh Diya Hota...
Maa Chudane Ki Kya Zaroorat thi...

Maloom Tha Agar Yeh Khowab Toot Jaye Gaye...
Neend Mein Aa Kar Chudwane Ki Kya Zaroorat thi...

Ishq Par lagti Rahegi Har Dour Mein Pabandi...
Ek Ashiq Ki Gaand Phatwane Ki Kya Zaroorat thi...

Maan Lo Agar Ye Yaktarfa Mohabat thi...
To Phir Maa Ki Lori Mujhe Dekh Kar Muskurane Ki Kya Zaroorat thi

Jab Choot Se Lund Takrata Hain



Jab choot se lund takrata hai, mat puchhia kia maza aata hain,
Jab choot se lund takrata hai, mat puchhia kia maza aata hain

Tangon ko utha, kuchh chhot dikha, mere lund par zara haath fira
Yeh choot khushi mein hansti hai, lund bhi hilta hai masti mein,

Ab khol de apni choot ko tu, yeh lund mera farmata hain,
Jab choot se lund takrata hai, mat puchhia kia maza aata hain,

Lund bhadka hai jaise koi bhoot, Jab se dekhi hai issne choot,
Andar bahar chode ga lund, Dhakke mare ye zoron se

Choot bhi paani chhode gi, lund mera yahi batata hain,
Jab choot se lund takrata hai, mat puchhia kia maza aata hain.


Lund Hain Bara Shaitaan



Mein Thi Anjaan

Yeh Hain Lund Ka Ehsaan

Mein Samajhti Thi K Lund Hai Bejaan

Nahin Dekha Jisne Kabhi Choot Ka Maidan

Jab Khara Hua Toh Mein Hui Heraan

Is Harkat Ne Humko Kardiya Pareshan

Jab Andar Dala Toh Nikaal Di Jaan

Hum Samajhte the Lund Hai Nadaan

Lekin Ab Jana ki Lund Hain Bara Shaitaan

Kal tak jo thay hum se ajnabi



Kal tak jo thay hum se ajnabi
pehle mille nah thay hum se kabhi
aaj wahi hamari sejj sajjay beithe hein


hum gae thay kal ik kaam se bazar
wahein per woh takra gay nazar hoi chaar
tab se wohi hawaas per chaay beithe hein


dekh ke unki mardana shakhshiyat
maaeil ho gai un pe hamarii tabiyat
ankhein ab hum rah mein bichaay beithe hein


hoi thein jaab itefaqun nazrein chaar
hum tu beithe apna sab kuch haar
hogae hum tu ooper neeche se geelay
bhag ke pakdi bas ho ke sharmashar
phir bhi unke hi khiyal uljhaay beithe hein


jo laga bas ko jhtka koi mujhe se aa chimta
kamar se us ne pakda chootdon per uska tika
tha tu kissi ka woh lauda magar lagta tha hathoda
maza agia jab socha wohi mujhe liptaay beithe hein


dekha jo mud ke ussi ko apne sath lage paya
khushi hoi dekh ke woh mere tha peeche aya
pakar ke uss ne ik muma sagoshi ki
kiya le loon mein chutki acchi si
sun ke hum muskra diye kuch keh nah sake
uss ne jo diya hath mein tu reh gai hake bake
ussi lamhe ko hum khiyalon mein basaay beithe hein


itne mein aa giya hamara stop mein utar padi
woh bhi aayga peeche thi hamein umeed badi
dekha tu tha woh bhi pichle darwaze se utar aaya
dil mein khushi k ladu phoote choot mein pani utar aaya
tab se hi hum masti mein muskaay beithe hein


dekha jo mud ke woh peecha kar rah tha
dar rahe thay hum dil dhak dhak kar rah tha
gali ke mod per hum khare hoe uske intezar mein
jaldi se uss ne le liya hamein bahon ke hissaar mein
rakh deiye uss ne humare lubon per lub
soch liya chudwa ke rahein ge unse ab
hum ne kah koi dekh le ga yahan
poochne lage phir kahn
chalte ho tu chalo hamare haan
akele hein hum koi aur nahein wahan
darwaz band karte hein uss ne hamein gira liya
utha ke tangein hamari lun choot per tika diyaa
choot tu pehle hi thi geeli ban gai thi samandar
maze se khilne lagi usne jab rakha apna machandar
zalim ne ik zor ka jhatka laga k kar diya sara andar
uss waqt se hum hosh ganwaay beithay hein


hum ne kah oh Dilbar oh mere jani
thora hole dhake lagao karo itni mehrbaani
choot tu ban gai tumhare laude ki aashiq
aur hum hein aaj se app ki raani
yun hum ik dooje mein samaay beithe hein


Kal tak jo thay hum se ajnabi
pehle mille nah thay hum se kabhi
aaj wahi humari sejj sajjay beithe hein

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